Let’s get real: a fixed mindset isn’t just about being afraid to try. It’s what happens when fear — often rooted in past experiences or even subtle trauma — convinces you that you’re only worthy if you get it right every single time. As women, we’ve been conditioned to believe that playing by the rules keeps us safe and loved. But every time you dare to dream bigger or do something different—something that actually makes you happy—fear jumps in. If, as a child, you only felt loved or safe when you succeeded, that fear of disappointing others became a part of you. And every time you step out of your comfort zone now, fear tries to pull you back. It’s not just any fear — it’s the fear that says: “If I fail, I’m not good enough.”
That’s the moment when fear stops being just an emotion and becomes a belief system—one that convinces you that you can’t change, that you’re not enough, that failure is proof you should give up. That, my darling, is what we call a fixed mindset.
Fear = Fixed Mindset
But here’s the truth: fear may have built the walls of your fixed mindset, but it doesn’t have to keep you there. A growth mindset is about seeing fear for what it is—a messenger, not a master. It’s about choosing to rise despite fear, using every setback as a lesson, every mistake as an opportunity to learn.
If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to read the previous article where we unpacked fear—what it is, where it comes from, and how it shapes your thinking. That’s your starting point. Because to build a growth mindset, you have to know the fear that holds you back.
In this article, I’ll share steps you can take to cultivate a growth mindset — even when fear tries to hold you back. Because this is the work: to keep learning anyway, and to rise stronger each time.
Research-Backed: How Fear Keeps You Stuck in a Fixed Mindset and Blocks Growth
New experiences often feel unsafe, even when they’re not dangerous, because of how fear shapes us.
Research shows that kids praised for being “smart” often avoid challenges later (Brummelman et al., 2014)—afraid they won’t live up to the hype. On top of that, early trauma—like abuse or constant criticism—can make you believe that effort won’t matter anyway (2022 study). That’s how fear quietly holds you back, making you choose the comfort of staying the same instead of trying something new. And that’s the fixed mindset at work—keeping you stuck even when your heart wants to grow.
Does That Mean You Can’t Grow? Think Again
It’s true that fear can keep you stuck, but that doesn’t mean you’re destined to stay there forever. Just look at women like Wizard Liz, Oprah Winfrey, Jessica Hepburn, J.K. Rowling and countless others—women who’ve faced deep-seated trauma and fear but still found a way to live their dreams. Their journeys prove that growth isn’t just possible—it’s powerful. So, even if fear has shaped your mindset, you can still rise.
In the next section, I’ll share exactly how to cultivate a growth mindset, even when fear tries to hold you back.
What is Growth Mindset?
Let’s be real.
When people talk about “growth mindset,” it often sounds like a motivational poster:
“Believe in yourself! Keep trying! You can do it!”
But what do you do when fear won’t shut up?
What do you do when your mind says things like:
- “You’re too late.”
- “You’ll mess it up.”
- “They’re better than you.”
- “You failed before—don’t try again.”
That voice? That’s fear.
And when you start believing it, fear becomes your default lens.
That’s what’s called a fixed mindset—a place where your self-belief stops evolving and starts shrinking. It doesn’t always sound dramatic. Sometimes it shows up as hesitation, self-doubt, procrastination, or endless preparation.
And it convinces you that “This is just the way I am.”
Most people think growth mindset means being endlessly positive or fearless.
It doesn’t. A growth mindset simply means you believe you can change.
That you’re not stuck with the way things are.
That you can learn, get better, and try again—even if fear is in the room with you.
It doesn’t promise instant success.
But it does offer a path forward.
Because every time you choose learning over perfection…
Curiosity over shame…
Action over avoidance…
You start to build a different self.
One that fear can’t control.
Steps to Cultivate a Growth Mindset
1. Name the Fear—Then Challenge Its Origin
What I mean is: trace back the roots of your fixed mindset.
Fear solidifies into a fixed mindset because it’s vague and sticky. Give it a name:
- Is this fear of failure, rejection, or looking foolish?
- Where did this belief come from?
Write a one-sentence story of how this fear was planted in you (e.g. “I was told as a kid that mistakes mean I’m a failure.”).
To go deeper and trace the roots of your fears, take time to read my previous article: How to Master Your Fears: Build the Life You Deserve.
2. Make Fear a Companion, Not an Enemy
Fear is a natural, human reaction to uncertainty. It’s not your enemy—it’s your travel buddy on the road to growth. Instead of waiting for fear to disappear before acting, accept that fear rides along.
Say to yourself: “Fear, you can come, but you’re not driving.”
This builds the emotional flexibility to move forward with fear, not against it.
3. Treat Yourself Like a Coach—Not a Critic
Fear’s voice often mimics a harsh inner critic—reinforcing a fixed mindset. Instead, try coaching yourself:
Instead of “You’re too scared,” ask “What’s the next smallest step I can handle?”
This trains your brain to see setbacks as feedback, not final judgments.
Instead of “You’re not good at this,” ask “What skill can I build here?”
Choosing to rewire your brain with learning possibilities—rather than shrinking into limiting beliefs—builds a mindset that sees every unexpected outcome as a lesson and an opportunity to develop a new skill.
4. Update Your Mental Operating System
(Inspired by Michael Pilarczyk’s insight: “Your mind is like software—it needs updating.”)
Fear-based beliefs act like outdated software—crashing progress before it even starts.
Action: Set aside time—monthly, weekly, even daily—to identify one outdated belief (e.g. “I always fail at this” or “I’m just not good enough”) and ask:
- “What new belief would help me grow here?”
- “What would my future, bolder self choose to believe?”
Write it down. Repeat it daily.
This step isn’t about fake positivity—it’s about systematically upgrading your mental code to handle fear more effectively.
5. Practice Fear as a Skill—Not a Threat
Fear tells you to freeze because you might fail. But confidence doesn’t come before you act—it grows because you act.
- Action: Choose one micro-action that feels scary but doable—something just outside your comfort zone but not so big that it paralyzes you.
- Speak up in a small meeting.
- Post one short video instead of a polished masterpiece.
- Ask for feedback on a draft, even if it’s not perfect.
- Remember: the goal isn’t to feel fearless—the goal is to learn to act alongside fear.
Every time you practice this, you build muscle memory for courage, slowly retraining your brain to trust itself under pressure.
6. Make Growth a Practice, Not an Outcome
(Adapted from Geoffrey Colvin’s research on deliberate practice.)
Most people think growth mindset is about thinking positively. But real growth happens through deliberate, repeated, targeted practice—even when it’s uncomfortable.
- Action:
- Identify one skill or mindset you want to improve (e.g. speaking up, writing, networking).
- Break it into tiny, deliberate practices you can repeat regularly.
- Example: Instead of writing a perfect article, write a messy paragraph every day and review what you learned.
- Seek feedback from someone you trust or self-reflect on what worked and what didn’t.
- Keep the practice going, even when it feels slow or awkward.
This step builds proof to yourself that growth happens through effort—not instant talent—and that effort is always within your control.
Lastly, Track Progress, Not Perfection
Fear loves to shout, “You’re not good enough.” Growth mindset whispers, “Look how far you’ve come.”
- Action:
- At the end of each week, jot down:
- One small step you took, even if it felt messy.
- One insight you gained about your fear or your progress.
- One thing you’ll try next time.
- At the end of each week, jot down:
This isn’t about celebrating only the wins—it’s about building a record of your journey, making growth tangible and visible to your own eyes.
Final Reminder: You Were Never Meant to Stay Small
Here’s the truth no one tells you:
You don’t become the woman you admire by avoiding fear.
You become her by walking through it, again and again—until it no longer defines you.
Growth isn’t about waking up confident.
It’s about waking up willing. Willing to try. Willing to be seen.
Willing to show up, even when fear tells you to sit down.
So if today all you can do is take one honest step—take it.
That’s growth.
And the more you practice, the more your mindset starts to shift.
You don’t need to feel ready.
You need to start believing you’re worth the effort.
Now I want to hear from you.
What’s one fear you’re choosing to walk with this week?
Message me, or write it down in your journal.
Make it real. Make it yours.
And if this article moved you, share it with a woman who needs to hear this too.
Let’s rise—together.
